The Catcher in the Rye
by phantom and potter Obsession
Summary: Crossover The Catcher in the Rye with TMM. What happens when Holden gets transported to the world of Tokyo Mew Mew, to try and be The Catcher in the Rye and keep Pudding from jumping off a cliff? Very OOC and REALLY stupid.


Disclaimer: I own neither Catcher in the Rye or Tokyo Mew Mew. You see, the creators of both of those are still living. Hm. Food for the thought, isn't it?

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"I want to protect the innocence of children because flitty people scare me!" cried Holden Caulfield as he ran around in circles. "That's why I'll catch them in the rye field so they don't jump off cliffs!"

"Oi, kid! Get out of my wheat field!" a red faced, portly farmer yelled, sticking his head out of his bright green tractor. "Good god—"

"This is a wheat field?" Holden asked disappointed. Then he gasped. "Agh! It's everywhere, isn't it? I swear, it's going to be on my fucking grave!"

"Huh?" The farmer asked, his eyes following Holden's finger. There, etched on the tractor, were the words 'fuck you.' "Why you little sonofa—get back here! I'll teach you to carve stuff on my truck!"

Holden could have told the truth and said he didn't write it. He also could have pointed out that he hadn't moved. But lying was more fun. He was the world's greatest liar after all. "Oh sir, no sir, I didn't write it. I can't read, you see. I was brought up in an orphanage, and the nuns didn't have time to teach us how to read."

The perceptive farmer wasn't amused. "Look kid, what the hell are you doing here anyway?"

Holden gave him a strange look. "I'm going to be the Catcher in the Rye and save little kids from jumping off the cliff of rye and innocence and into the dark abyss of adulthood and death!"

"Yeah? Well then what are you doing in my wheat field?"

Holden blinked. "This is a wheat field? Not a rye field?"

The farmer sighed and jammed his blue-and-black Norfolk Tides baseball cap onto his head. "Yes, it's a wheat field, now get out of here kid!"

"Fine! See what I care, you stupid phony!" Holden shouted, stomping out of the wheat field.

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"So, what are we doing here anyways?" Kish asked the group at large, which consisted of the five mews, the three aliens, the two café owners, and the single dorky placeless boyfriend that belonged to Ichigo. The boyfriend was sitting at Ichigo's feet like a good little slavish idiotic puppy-dog boyfriend Mr. Perfect guy. Sitting at her feet and drooling. _This _was the famed Blue Knight?!

"We're helping Ichigo understand the Catcher and the Rye, since she has to read it for English," Mint answered.

"I'm only in English III! Why do I have to read a whole _book?!" _Ichigo wailed miserably, clinging to Masaya's shoulders and crying, not noticing when a huge dollop of Masaya drool trickled down her back.

"I don't care! It's thanks to you that Pudding thinks she'll grow up if she jumps off a cliff!" cried Tart angrily, intercepting the monkey mew before she could jump.

"Lemme go Tar-tar! I wanna jump!" Pudding yelled, fruitlessly trying to tug free. "I wanna grow up!"

Zakuro seized Pudding by the shoulders. "Calm down Pudding! You're not going to grow up if you—"

"Looooooook! Headlights!" cried Kish, staring at the road. Everyone else turned to look, and Pudding made a mad dash for the edge of the cliff.

"YAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" the yellow monkey mew cried, bolting.

"NYYYYOOOO!!!!" everyone else yelled in perfect, slow motion voices, running absurdly slow after her.

The slow motion effect stopped right on cue, when a young man, maybe seventeen, with grey hair slammed into the girl stopping her. "I did it! I saved her! I'm the Catcher in the Rye! Now I think I'll smoke a cigarette!"

"What…" the entire group stared at him.

"I saved her life! And her innocence! Because she'll lose her innocence and her life if she jumps off the cliff! And so now I'm going to smoke a cigarette! By the way, my sex life is great! But you're such phonies, that you'll only pretend to care!"

Mint sighed. "Great… Who hired an actor to pretend to be Holden and help Ichigo get it?"

"Huh? My name's Holden. I'm not an actor though. I hate actors. They're all phony and shit." Holden lit a cigarette and began to smoke. Everyone began coughing in unison, because smoking smells gross.

"Holden… that's that guy! In the book I'm reading! I think…" Ichigo cried, trying very hard to remember the book she was reading. It was hard. The book was in English for God's sake! And there weren't any pictures…

Ryou and Pai exchanged looks. "Yes, Ichigo. Good job. You are reading The Catcher in the Rye—"

"I'm the Catcher in the Rye! And I'm leaving, you're all phony and shit… but I don't want to be alone!" cried Holden. "I—" his eyes bugged out. "NNNYYYOOO!!!" he cried, intercepting Pudding as she tried—again—to jump off a cliff. "No! Don't ruin your innocence! Stay a child forever! Don't be an adult! Be a kid! That's why I'm the Catcher in the Rye! Because I was traumatized by flitty people and I want to protect other's innocence!"

"What's a flitty person?" Ichigo asked, confused.

"A gay person," Kish answered, snickering. "So, are you gay?" he asked Holden. The illiterate Kish didn't get that Holden disliked gay people. (Which is very discriminatory of him. We should throw _him _off the cliff!)

"I'm not gay. What's there to be gay about? I'm sad. So sad. WHY CRUEL WORLD?!" Holden wailed. "Okay, now I need to get drunk and feel better about myself."

"You know what? I'm sick of this! We've been out here all night to help Ichigo understand her book, and now some character from it shows up!" The literate Mint had read The Catcher in the Rye. She detested Holden. She thought he was a stupid emo. She wanted him to leave. So she took the sharpie marker that conveniently lived in her pocket and wrote 'Fuck you' on his back, then started dancing with the bewildered Tart.

"AGH!" cried Holden. "No! That'll be on my grave! And adults shouldn't dance with kids! It's flitty!" Never mind that Mint was only two years older than Tart—she was more than a foot taller than him. Poor Tart didn't get what was going on—he was confused.

"YAH!" Pudding cried, successfully launching herself into the air. "I did it!"

"NO!" everyone cried. Pudding fell… fell… fell… the whole three feet to the ground. You see, it was a small cliff.

"Pudding! No!"

"I'm grown up now!" Pudding cried, climbing back up the 'cliff.'

"My work has failed! I'm a failure! And not just in school! And I lied! My sex life sucks! I don't have one!" sobbed Holden, distraught.

"Yes, we know," Pai answered.

"Oh, so you knew, but you didn't say! Stupid phony!" With that, Holden vanished back to his world, in 1950s America. The joys of not being real…

Everyone looked at Pudding. "Well? You said you grew up?"

"Uh-huh," Pudding said, wincing. "Old people have bad backs. I fell off the cliff, and now my back hurts."

"Is that all?" Lettuce asked worriedly.

"Yeah…"

"Oh good!" cried Keiichiro. "If that's all that happens, then there's no need for a catcher in the rye!"

Meanwhile, Holden had this same revelation, and drank himself into unconsciousness in a random hotel, until Maurice kicked the kid onto the streets. Because if there's no need for a catcher in the rye, then there's no need for the guy who wouldn't pay his prostitute.

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**That was spawned out of sheer randomness, and my love for TMM and weird fascination with The Catcher in the Rye… and spawned from roleplaying at 3:00 AM. Hahah.**


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